I just wrote this email to my good friend, Zack, the one who got married in an earlier post:
"I had great internet access everyday for 5+ weeks. Did I Skype anyone? No. I had free calling all day, everyday. Did I call anyone? No. Sounds like I had a Brick City of a time at home but that is where one would be wrong. Home was fantastic. Since I graduated from high school, I have never spent more than two weeks at home. I just spent 39 days at home. Pretty crazy. I don't mean I spent a week at home then went down to my university city or to Nashville for the weekend, I mean for 39 straight days I was at home with the exception of a few nights. I could not think of any other way to spend my leave time. I didn't do anything in particular. Just a lot of Cleveland and family stuff."
It would be easy to say, "Oh, that's sweet. He wanted to be home, blah blah blah." I think that would be robbing the scenario for what it is.
Yes, I did all of this at home -----
Decorate the house with Patrick, my brother.
Go to a Christmas play with my family.
Babysit my niece, Aubree, and nephew, Aiden.
I spent 2 years, 4 months and 6 days in South Africa. This may sound long, but I have spent long stretches away from home before. A few of them were spent in European countries and others were spent in what seemed to be a totally different country (the South). During all of these different trips away from home, I was always antsy to keep traveling, see more. When I returned from South Africa, I didn't have this urge.
I think I know why.
America is sweet.
At home, I can get in a car and go anywhere at anytime. If it is 3am, I can easily go to the toilet. I just ate, can I wash my hands? Heck yeah I can. Oh my shoe laces broke, let's go to the store and get some. You don't want bread? Have a bagel. You speak English? Yep. Want to visit two friends in a day and still get home the same day? Not a problem. I do like sleeping to the sound of nothing. I would like to swim in that pool without fear of catching something.
I never thought I would be so happy to be so much of what I thought was a wasteful person 2 years ago. I had absorbed some of the South African way, I suppose. No one in my village would pass up the chance to take a car to visit friends, if they could. No one would pass up taking a long, hot shower after walking through the cold Cleveland weather, if the opportunity was presented to them. Definitely no one would pass up a new pair of clothes, if they were given to them.
Does it make it right for me to do this?
Probably not.
One thing that I have definitely come to realize is that we do what is easiest and most natural. In college and my first job, it was easy and natural for me to different. The majority of folks are embracing x, y and z, I'll go for k. Instead of supporting this football team, going to that party or missing those classes, I enjoyed this city, volunteered at that school and hung out with those strangers.
Did this mean I was one of the few who made good decisions in college?
I don't think so.
We could try to boil down the benefits of every decision, but I think we would come down to everyone making about the same good/bad balance on decisions. In the Peace Corps, the majority of folks are really great, volunteer oriented, help first people. I had someone cook for me everyday, kicked kids out of the yard if they were annoying, scared off animals for the same reason, traveled all over and often dreaded having to sit in crammed spaces. Much different behavior than my college days.
I caught up with people back home, that during college, one may say they made bad decisions. At the time, they were happy but, on paper, you could connect the dots in a mad scientist way and find a trajectory that wasn't favorable. Yet they are rocking the present still and folks still may say they are making bad decisions.
I think we'll always do what we want to do. I'm just thankful I have been positive and confident throughout all my decision making. I think that is all you need to do. Stay positive and confident.
I was just hit with an image of Todani and Azwifaneli's father. This man is a donkey cart driver. He shared a brief bit of his life story with me on one of the hottest days I can remember in the village as I walked alongside his cart. It was too hot to run his donkeys and his wife was also walking alongside because there was no space on the cart. This was an idyllic scenario for story telling. Thankfully I had lathered up the sunscreen and was rocking a big hat.
Growing up, he always tried hard and enjoyed going school but never performed well. I can imagine, though he never said, that people gave him a hard time for trying. They probably said he would never have the same test results as the top students, as is the common approach in rural villages when dealing with students with low test results. He must have gotten to that stage where he wasn't going to pass a certain level and was socially considered too old to be in school, so he decided to buy a donkey cart. He told me people said he was silly for buying a donkey cart. They said they are dumb animals that cause nothing but problems. I imagine these are the same people that told him he would not reach the top of the class, so there is no sense in trying.
At this point of the story, he laughs and points to the back of the cart, "But look, I have water. Donkey is good. My family has water." He had just returned from a borehole that is about a mile and a half away because the government taps in the village had been broken for 6 months due to flooding. Most people have to walk this distance. When they get to the borehole, they carry a 25l bucket on their head or push 3 25l buckets in a rickety wheelbarrow. This father was hauling 12 buckets by means of his "stupid" donkeys.
This father stayed true to himself. The decisions and his thought process certainly changed with time, but he never denied his inner person, always remaining downright jolly while doing so. As I grow to make further decisions, I hope I can be like Todani and Azwifaneli's father. Though these little kids may roll their eyes at their father when he is riding his donkey cart, they will one day realize he is one of the most successful people in the village.
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